Resolve Your Conflict Now

Both are right and wrong at the same time.
Everything is not black and white, sometimes it's gray too. :)

Kids are funny but sometimes really stubborn. Once my neighbour's kid kept crying for an hour straight just because he wanted a Dairy Milk chocolate, which his parents kept denying. Since he was an only child and was making his parents go bonkers, he did get what he wanted. Next time he demanded a remote control toy, this time he knew he can't cry for one hour, it has to be more than that, so he cried for more than an hour besides this, he started banging his head too. Is this for real? But guess what? He finally got the toy! He knew every situation demands a character out of him, which eventually requires either to add more drama(crying in his case) Just like children, adults are the same, we all throw our tantrums but in a subtle manner.

Look at every relationship conflict, it's just about maintaining the character, trust me we never grow out of this. Suppose there is a disagreement between you and your spouse/partner. After 30 minutes of an argument, you realize she's partially wrong and I'm also partially wrong. But now you have to sustain this, you both can't break character, whatever is the character of the situation that you have put on, there is no turning back. This can be dangerous too, what if the other person breaks character and decides he/she no longer has the strength to argue and decides to break it or even leave you alone  (in a serious argument) but you won't break character, you won't apologize because maintaining your character is so important than saving your relationship, isn't it? It is sad sometimes, we break ties with people either to maintain this character or ego which actually isn't worth it.

You know, for many Hindus, Kashi (Varanasi) in India is considered the holiest place on the earth. Many believe that if you breathe your last in Kashi, then you will attain ‘Kashi Labh’ — Moksh “release from the cycle of rebirth caused by the law of karma” also called salvation.

Mr Shukla at Mukti Bhavan.

For a span of the last 47 years, Bhairav Nath Shukla has been the manager of Kashi Labh Mukti Bhawan, one of the guest houses in Kashi where people check in to die. For over four decades, he has seen people arriving at his guesthouse during their final days and wait for days. So far, Mr. Shukla has witnessed over 12,000 deaths!

It's not easy to see so many people die in front of you. This place teaches you to acknowledge death as it is a part of the reality we live in. According to Mr. Shukla, people are filled with regrets at the very end of their journey, they wished they could have made things easier with their association with people. He also notes that most of the people who come here are filled with grief, especially when they are nearing death.

Like a shot, this hit me hard and I remembered an incident my mom had told me about her father i.e. my grandfather, who did not speak to his brother for about 20 years, which meant till his last breath. Agreeing to her, it was a dispute between property. This didn't break off their kids to keep the relationship. It doesn't weigh what the problem was because the two brothers are dead, but do you realise how sad is that? 

This also meant that both the brothers had a certain character to maintain or their egos. Whenever I think about it, this bitterness heavies my heart. I wish they had spoken when they were alive. I wish someone had actually tried or had just taken the foremost step to communicate with each other. I wish they had asked for each other's forgiveness and wept it all away.

What I learnt from this story is that so many people want to carry this unnecessary baggage throughout their life, only wanting it to drop it at the very end of their journey (in the above case- beyond life.)
Do you really think it's worth it?

It's okay to have conflicts; we all do as human beings, but the trick is to resolve your conflict as soon as you have it. You cannot and should not go to bed having an argument, resentment, or any qualm. Try to resolve it because kya pata kal ho na ho? (There is no guarantee that what is gonna happen tomorrow)

Every night before I shut my eyes, I think about the people in my life and I'm invariably filled with gratitude towards them. Subconsciously also think & hope I have resolved everything with them. Like I imagine what if I pass away today? I hope people recognize what they mean to me. I hope my final call was to try to save a relationship, I hope I have apologized and even said  'I'm here for you'.

I don't want to have any regrets before I go or anyone goes. Of course, we never desire for that to happen but it's death, who are we kidding? It can happen to anyone at any time. At least, let's not have the guilt of not having spoken to that person when s/he was alive. 

Let me give you an analogy to this game that I really love and have been playing for more than half of my life. Yes, it is basketball! It is a sport where you have to play hard, it can be a little belligerent (a little is an understatement). We all make our mistakes, we push, pull and even hit just to mark that basket. The only difference is that everything is in the game and the second the game is over, we wish the opponent 'good game' or 'congratulations' regardless of  winning or losing

We also apologize if we have played too hard or if we have been aggressive, then it is done and dusted. In that same instant, everything is resolved. Don't you think that if we were to take our days as a basketball game and at the end of the day apologize or accept the apology, we would sleep much better? Think about it.

Look, I'm not telling you to plead or beg for someone to stay in your life because you can't keep everyone happy. You try your best to make it work and if there is no response from the other end, it means you have done your job. You'll be at peace now. It would like the burden no longer belongs to you. It is as if you did your part and its time to move on from where you are.

Do it right now, at this very moment. Make that call, say I love you, say you are sorry because the truth is that we all mess up, but this time we admit it! Let's break the character! Let's try to mould ourselves into a character for each situation.

Be water, my friend, because the good news is that nothing lasts forever and the bad news is also nothing lasts forever.

P.S: That neighbours kid was actually me. :P

(Comment if you want me to cover any particular topic which may interest you)

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  1. Word by word I agree with you completely!

  2. A well-written article indeed. Thank you for sharing.

  3. Ego is something that destroys relationships big time..It’s not that always you put your self respect at stake and give in but sometimes when the person matters to you taking a step back doesn’t always harm.. well explained champ.. keep writing 😊😊😊

  4. Very well written and articulated. I have managed to mend a few broken relationships by picking up the phone and saying Hi or sorry. It feels so good when that happens. And I'm sure the other person feels great too.

    With a few others I still haven't been able to do it, as I'm perhaps maintaining my character or ego. Maybe I'll try and fix those too. :)

    The ending was great btw!